Sunday, October 26, 2008

My Dad

(we had two weddings the summer before my dad died.)

I have been thinking about my dad a lot this month. For a few reasons:

The obvious one- He died in an accident three years ago today. It is his anniversary. I miss him.

I have a new baby girl. This sounds odd, I will explain: My dad died when Brenley was six weeks old. She helped me get through it. All day long I would hold her and nurse her, I wouldn't ever put her down(Part of the reason she is so spoiled.) Some of my last memories of my dad are from Bren's first week of life while my mom was here helping me. My dad would bring lunch or dinner over. He would run errands for me. He was at my house quite a bit because he didn't like being away from my mom. So sometimes when I am holding and taking care of Abigail, it makes me think of my dad.(It doesn't help that my post partum hormones are dropping, and I am hugely emotional anyway.) I miss him.

I am reading some classics online while I am feeding Abigail. After my dad died, I reread Les Miserables online(very long, but worth it. And I was grateful for my High School French) while I was nursing Brenley. When it comes to Broadway musicals, our family is divided in two: those who like Les Miserables best and those who like Phantom of the Opera best. My dad has been firmly on my side since I introduced him to the music of Les Miserables in Jr. High. I was so obsessed at the time that he took me to see it at Gamage in 9th grade. The last conversation I had with him was about how he wanted to take his mother to see it when it came to town in a couple of months. I told him I was going with them. I also reread all of the Jane Austen books online at the time. (a favorite of both my parents)Right now I am trying to get through some books I haven't read instead of rereading my favorites. I just finished Wuthering Heights. Not bad, but Charlotte Bronte is no Victor Hugo or Jane Austen. I am pretty sure my dad was familiar with them all.(I wish I could ask him which one to read next...) And he was the only one who could help me with my Physics homework(my hardest class in HS)My dad was brilliant. During his funeral, Wendell looked at me and said, " Now who is going to be my lifeline if I get onto 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire'?" I miss him.

I have been keeping up on my cousins' blogs. Their father is my dad's brother. This past month I have seen a few pictures of my Uncle Jim and his grand kids. My Uncle Jim reminds me a lot of my dad. Even more when I talk to my cousin Laurie about him. And the resemblance is painful. My Aunt and Uncle still live in Southern CA and a lot of their free time is spent by the beach. Growing up in Southern CA my dad's heart was always there. He loved the beach more than any other place. When we were kids, we would sometimes spend three weeks at a time there during the summer. The ocean will always remind me of my dad. Uncle Jim's family is very lucky to have him. Especially his grandchildren. My dad was a terrific grandfather. I miss him. (and so do my kids)

So this month I will be a little more emotional and think a little more about my father. It helps that I know where he is and that I will be with him again one day. It helps to know that he is with our Father in Heaven and maybe I should think a little more about Him as well. I am thankful that we are an eternal family and will be together forever. But right now, I miss him.

5 people know I love comments!:

Danielle said...

What a difficult thing to go through. I am so sorry for your pain. Hugs!

macmommy said...

Wish I could hug you right now, Sherry! I only met your dad a few times, but he was one of those guys that you instantly liked. Makes you realize how much you need to appreciate the ones you love. My grandma died before I had my kids and I always loved the thought that she helped send down my kids. I bet your sweet Abby got to know her grandpa pretty well =)

Vidal's Nest said...

I miss him too! I can't imagine how hard it is for you!
He was a great dad and I am glad that you have some really great memories of him.
Call me and lets get together soon! Sometimes it helps the hormones to have a good cry or laugh and I am here for you !

Julie H said...

Oh Sherry--I remember when Laura called and told me about your dad. It was so sudden....I miss my mom and that was 6 yrs ago. It doesn't matter how old you are when they go. You still feel like an orphan.
I am so glad for our beliefs. Is only way to get through it all.
You are seeing thru a thinner veil right now because of this new sweet baby. Is all good.
Big hugs here til I see you in person. I know he is smiling down on you now.
P.S.--its ok to cry. Post partum hormones or not. :^)

Patrice said...

Here's a hug. I'm so sorry you have to be without your father, and I'm so glad you have such a great perspective!