There has been an epidemic. Have you noticed it? Everyone is going private.
I kind of hate it.
No offense to those of you going private, I totally understand your reasons. Really. You are good moms.
In fact some of you are my favorite people.
It is just harder to follow blogs that won't pop up on my googlereader.
It has also raised some questions of blogging etiquette. What do you do if someone wants to be invited and you don't want to invite them? Do you just ignore them?
This has happened to me.
There is an old friend who shall remain nameless. Though this post won't say anything bad about her. I actually really like her. still.
Our husbands worked together about 10 years ago and we were good friends. I knew some of her family since I was really young. We went to dinner together, we went to a company overnighter at a resort together, we did softball together, etc. Family baptisms. I even subbed in her bunko group.
She and her husband were hilarious. Hilarious! You couldn't NOT have fun around these two. In fact her whole family would crack you up. They are a close knit family, and you can't help but feel good just being around them.
But I have suspected for a while that she didn't like me anymore,which prompted some soul searching and introspection.
I am not really a fan of introspection as a rule. I don't really like to evaluate my faults. But it is necessary sometimes in order to avoid them in the future.
We fell out of contact with these friends about 7 years ago when our husbands stopped working together. Not right away, though. We had babies at the same time when I had Bren, and we e mailed pictures.
We have brought over Christmas goodies once or twice. We have been over there one other time recently, and Brenley still talks about their three year old, which is kind of sad. Because she doesn't know why I can't take her to her little friend's house. And our husbands will still talk to each other from time to time.
7 years is a long time! My kids were young. Rach was only five, Kindyl 3, and Mitchell was a one year old toddling around. I was a little immature myself I think (25 years old)
I was still new at this parenting stuff, and was more fixated on certain things than I should have been.
Our friends were a little bit older, had been parents for longer, and were a little bit more relaxed. Kind of like we are now.
This and my immaturity were my downfall, I think. Though I couldn't say for sure.
This is what I think happened, pure speculation mind you. I talked too much about my kids education, possibly making it sound like my kids were way more brilliant than hers. (which is not the case, by the way, I never thought her kids were anything less than fabulous) At the time I had Rachael at a private Montessori school and had to get a scholarship and clean the school twice a week in order to pay for it. Crazy.
I think I may have been a little obsessive about my weight and working out. I had been on bedrest with Mitchell for 5 months and put on a few pounds. (in retrospect, I really wasn't very big. Amazing what time and two more kids can do for your perspective )I had also just started going to the gym everyday, which was kind of a big part of my life.
In short, I may have been a little obnoxious. I also remember a phone conversation with her where I may have freaked out a little. I was panicked about something not getting done in time and ticked at Wendell about it. Again, it was my first time doing it and I overreacted.
That and a few other things that I can think of. There were things I would do differently now, to say the least.
As I was thinking about this, it reminded me of someone I recently met and hung out with a few times. She always seemed to point out how much more money her husband made. And how much more righteous her boys were. And a few other things that drove me nuts.
After a couple of times I told myself it just wasn't possible to be this person's friend. She would drive me crazy!
But then I realized something. She probably wasn't trying to make me feel bad. She was trying to make herself feel better. She may be a little insecure. But not a bad person. After a while it was obvious that this was the case. And now she is actually a pretty good friend. (though I still have to just smile and nod when she says rude things)
Had I been doing this too all those years ago? I admired my old friend. I admired her family. Was I insecure about my own? Perhaps. Did I come off the same way toward her? I don't know.
But it is possible.
When we lost touch I missed them. Because, like I said, they were both hilarious! They were good parents with great kids and fun to be around. Her husband was a good example to Wendell. (He doesn't need good examples now, of course because he is perfect;)but this was years ago, before he had perfected himself)
I told myself it was because they didn't work together anymore. And they moved 30 minutes away. Etc. But in the back of my head, I think I knew she just didn't like me.
What? How could that be? ;)Crazy I know.
Anyhow, when I started blogging I came across her blog. It was nice to keep up with her cute little family. I even commented once or twice. When she never commented back, I didn't think too much of it. She might just be the type that doesn't comment, right? There are plenty of people like that. It didn't really bother me .
Until she decided to go private and asked for e mail addresses. I commented and gave her mine a couple of months ago. Then she went private and I am not invited.
Am I mad at her? Honestly, not at all. It is her blog and her family and she has every right to invite whomever she wants. And frankly, she has legitimate reasons not to like me. Nobody should have to stay in any kind of relationship that they feel is toxic.
Mostly I feel regret. Regret for a friendship I have lost. And hurt, of course...
My sister thinks I should have Wendell ask the husband what's up. Since this is all speculation and they are still in occasional contact.
But I am too scared! I don't want to know for sure that she thinks I am a horrible person. Assuming may be better than knowing. By assuming, I can leave a tiny little option open in the back of my mind that it may have been an oversight. Or that she typed in my e mail address wrong. Etc.
I am a coward.
What would you do in this situation? Say it is no big deal (it really shouldn't be) and ignore it? Tell yourself not to obsess over this one person? That is probably what I should do. But I kind of feel this need to know.
Should I have Wendell ask and potentially put these people on the spot? Possibly make them feel the need to lie about it to spare my feelings? Is that really fair?
What do you do?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
There has been an epidemic. Have you noticed it? Everyone is going private.
Posted by sherry at 3:03 PM
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Friday, August 21, 2009
Nope, didn't get pictures all together. They go to 4 different schools and start at different times. The girls are just waking up when this kid heads out the door at 7:15 for carpool...
The boy. It is so nice to have a boy. Their fashion is so simple, and they are not particular. Third grade this year for Mitchell. I can't believe it.
I have been trying to talk him into going to our neighborhood school this year instead of the Montessori school he has always gone to. I pulled the girls out in third grade because I figured ELP was good enough, and they didn't need a special school anymore.
His response?:"What! I would have to sit in the same desk ALL DAY!" and "I would have to learn the same stuff the rest of the class is learning instead of what I want to learn!"
Too true. But he would be able to ride his bike to school at 8:25. Instead of me driving carpool at 7:15. Very tempting for this mama...
This child is seems to be growing up behind my back. When did this happen? She is already in 5th grade. And will be 11 soon.
Kindyl is still my easy going low maintenance child. Let's hope it stays that way. I am not ready for another high maintenance tween...
(Second day. And she didn't want to look up. Something about not liking a fake cheesy picture smile...or she just didn't want to quit texting. I pick my battles...)
I forgot to take this child's picure on the first day. But I came accross these photos on my camera. Rachael and Kindyl were apparently taking photos to judge the best outfits. I think this is what she wore first day. Minus the ever important jewelry and hair, of course.
But I don't know for certain.
This child had a minor meltdown on the first day. So we went for comfort over fashion. On hair and outfit. But then she decided on a little voguing:
Strike a pose, sister. Strike a pose.
I took a few on day two. You can see I do actually get her dressed and do her hair occasionally...She wanted a side pony. But she just got a cute new haircut. So I had to braid it around her head into a pony so it would all fit. I think she is kind of cute.
still posing, as you can see...
Silly girl. I don't know where she comes up with this stuff!
Sorry about the flash. It is just her blingity bling...
We lost our camera right before our CA trip. So every picture we have taken at the beach until now have been from our old camera. And now I remember why I hated it...
Some more fashion, for your viewing pleasure...
(animal print leggings didn't make the cut for school...executive decision...)
Is it just me, or is this 80's trend a little disturbing? And aren't twelve year olds looking a little older than we did? Seriously?
With a child in Jr. High (MY Jr. High for that matter) I am feeling a little old...
Posted by sherry at 10:55 AM
Saturday, August 15, 2009
(these guys are looking for actual crabs, and found a few. the scary gross kind. sandcrabs were soooo last year....)
at the beach this year I personally spent a lot of time watching this:
(Trying to keep miss A occupied in the shade, since she was a buck white infant)
And not a lot of this:
No, the Queen did not sleep well this trip. Not on the beach, or in her port o crib in the tent trailer.I got the bulk of my sleep between 6a.m. (when I handed her off to Wendell) and 8 a.m.
But I was at the beach! So who cares!
This is the kids' favorite vacation of the year. They like it even better than the beach house((MY personal favorite vacation of the year) because they get to actually live with almost all of their cousins instead of just a few. Kid. Heaven.
(Shh...the elusive 12 year old...very hard to capture in their natural habitat...)
(Kinsey, Dani, and Rachael)
If you're quiet you can sometimes sneak up behind them. Be careful they're a little skittish...
The kids are crazy little fish. most of the time the older ones just disappear and we hope the lifeguards on duty are paying attention. They take off on boogie boards,
and surf boards (supervised on the surf board. Thanks Greg.)
If we are lucky we catch sight of them long enough to remind them to reapply sunscreen. This usually only happens when they come in for lunch. I love it. They wear themselves out. And we did the same thing when we were their age...
And sometimes even now. This year I spent a lot more time in the ocean than I usually do. Either the waves were particularly good this year, or I just didn't have a fantastic book to read...
We bring shovels, and are very serious about our digging endeavors. This fantastic three part tunnel kept the kids occupied for hours. You can see all three parts. Janee and Seaver coming out of the front. Kindyl and Tate coming out of the middle. And Mitchell's head popping out of the end. Then you can see Zan, Bren, and Dax waiting their turn to enter.
Our men are architectural geniuses...
(another view...Brenley coming out of the end.)
(Dave's brilliant sand sculptures not pictured. Sorry! )
As you may have noticed, we tend to have our babies in rounds. These are three of the 4 babies we had this year:
Delaney, Teichert, and Abigail. we are only missing Rylie. All beach babies, of course. Just like the rest of our kids. I am pretty sure it is genetic...
3 three year olds.(out of 6 or 7 in that particular round of babies. Depending on how you count it...) We find they are easier to keep an eye on if you keep them buried up to their waist....
And sometimes higher! (For more evidence, see blog header)
Kindyl, my blonde beach beauty.
The boy. Kind of a rare breed in my family...
They sometimes come in handy for things like helping dad pack up.
Look, more of them! Luckily there are at least a few boy cousins.
The sandy faced Queen with one of her most loyal subjects
And a sleeping Brenners on mom's lap
Holy picture overload! (No, I don't use slideshows. I don't know how. And I want to make a blog book one day...)
And there are even more. At the campground. Maybe on another post. I can't seem to locate them....
(Yes, I realize that by now you are only reading if you are related to my family, and weren't at the beach with us...)
(on a side note, thank you to my sisters Callie and Jannalee. I pilfered some of your pictures...)
Posted by sherry at 9:14 PM
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Yes, I have been a slacker. A serious blog slacker. I have had posts floating around my head for weeks. But have posted nothing. Because I am a slacker!
Now, for journaling purposes, I must go in order. Starting with the cabin in Pinetop at the end of June.
We were invited to go to Pinetop with our good friends.(started to post a link but remembered they went private along with the rest of the world, dangit)
How could we say no? Knowing our next beach vacation was months away, I had been dying to get out of the heat. And playing with some friends was an added bonus.
Wendell and Mitchell couldn't wait to finally use their poles and fishing licenses. So fishing was the first order of business.
(yes, Brenley is holding worms. Lovely)
Poor Maisy was desperate for shade. Can you even see her? The first day was kind of warm. But still wayyyy cooler than Mesa, of course.
My friend and her baby sitting by Rachael watching the boys fish. Yes she is my age...and the size of my 12 year old. They could share clothes. nice.
Next came the fun part. (What? do you really know any women that enjoy fishing?) The quads.
First the men took all of the kids while we stayed in with the babies.
Then the moms were going to go by ourselves. Oh sweet freedom! But we decided to take the two older girls with us.
I may or may not have urged my two young children to, "hurry up, just go faster!" on a couple of dangerous off road vehicles. Mother of the year award? Ya, I know....
The kids (and men)all got slightly sunburned despite my repeated warnings...but they had a blast, and frankly, so did I. It had been a long time...
The next day was cool and gorgeous so we proceeded to relax..
(Mitch on a hammock)
(Ya, I relived my 6th grade glory days and took on acouple of kids...)
and, of course, shoot all manner of weapons...including but not limited to:... .
b b guns....
air soft guns....
and bows and arrows....
(miss Kindyl even shot a bull's eye. For real. She kind of rocks....)
Where was the Queenie? She was content collecting pine needles and playing with blocks.
Then the real competition began..
That's right, the stuffing of the marshmallows. The competition was intense. I think Wendell won...
It was nice to have no fire restrictions for a change. Things just wouldn't be the same without a campfire.
Good friends, fun weekend, great to get out of the heat!
(you may have been wondering where Abigail's headband was in her picture. She rarely takes a picture without one. Because she is bald. And doesn't take them off. Well her baby friend K tried it on and didn't take it off like she usually does. And she looked so stinkin' cute, we left it on her.)
(Ya, she's a big bad biker;)
Posted by sherry at 3:50 PM